The office is abuzz with talk about last Friday's debate and how the two candidates performed. Got me thinking about political groups in the startup environment. Most dot-commers seem to fall along traditional party-lines but there are some independent groups that you won't see in mainstream politics too.
Conservatives - Upper management
Concerned with issues of cash; how much there is; how quickly it is running out; how hard it will be to raise more. They are not conservative when it comes to granting themselves equity.
Liberals - Marketing / Technology / Human Resources
Central philosophy revolves around investing in one or more core initiatives like "brand", "redundancy" and "sensitivity training". Liberals are always at odds with Conservatives on how to measure ROI. Partners at VC firms are known to be swing voters: they cross party lines between the Conservative and Liberal camps.
Moderates - Finance / Accouting / Project Management
Moderates are attracted to the potential upside in stock or equity at startups but want to continue leading 9-5 work schedules. They require extra office supplies and constantly complain about the lack of "structure" in the work-place.
Independents -
Consultants / Agencies
Support social-welfare programs for dot-commers who were laid off. These ex-pats of Conservative or Liberal parties drain startups of their resources by charging $250 an hour. They frequently extend project completion dates and infrequently provide any documentation about the work they have done. Independents are always blamed for mistakes by the Liberals who hired them.
Green Party - Various
They are a party of those who like to party. You can identify members of this reclusive and loosely-associated group on Friday mornings by the bags under their eyes or the wrinkles in their clothing (didn't he wear that on Thursday?). Members are always looking forward to the next "convention" where alcohol and other mind-altering substances will be consumed or used in large quantities.
Foreign Legions - Software Engineers / Customer Service Reps
Primarily concerned with issues of immigration. Technically, they can't vote but they formed their own party anways. Members hail from India and mainland China. These college-educated professionals do most of the work but get none of the glory. They are secretly supported by Conservatives because their vote can be bought for promises of an H1 visa.
Preservatives - Various
Maintaining the startup approach to work and the dot-com way of life is the focus of this dwindling group. Presevatives hate Moderates and Independents. Many join Liberals in opposition to Conservatives on certain issuesl. They work long hours and are fond of caffeinated-drinks, foos-ball tables and large computer monitors. Membership in this party reached its peak in the late 1990s.